The most powerful thing I can give my kids is not perfection, but presence.
This was the first blog I wrote while creating Ayni, and it has been the most difficult for me to post. Because this one is personal.
Becoming a mother has been the most profound experience of my life. It opened me in ways I never could have imagined, and slowly, it became an invitation to evolve, not just as a parent, but as a person.
A book that deeply shaped this journey for me is The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford. It introduced me to the concept of shadow work, the practice of looking at the parts of ourselves we’ve long denied or pushed away. Debbie Ford has a line that changed the way I saw my children, and many of my relationships: “What we tend to judge in others is what we often deny in ourselves.”
My triggers as a parent weren’t really about my kids, they were about the parts of myself I had long buried.
I have two children, a boy and a girl, with entirely different personalities. My daughter is bold and endlessly expressive. My son is sensitive and deeply analytical. Each day with them brings joy, wonder, and challenge, and often I ask myself: Am I showing up for them in the ways they need me most?
At times I don’t know how to give my daughter the connection and touch she so deeply craves from me. And my son’s sensitivity has a way of bringing my own childhood fears to the surface, the moments I was told to feel less.
I find myself repeating some of the very patterns I grew up with, the ones that didn’t serve me as a child, and having to pause, breathe, and choose differently. And that, I am learning, is what it means to break a cycle.
Growing up in the 80s and 90s, feelings weren’t really part of the conversation. It was a different era of parenting, and while it came from love, emotions were often left unspoken and needs went unvoiced.
I felt the weight of that as I stepped into motherhood. Finding that balance between gentle presence and firm boundaries has been one of the most humbling parts of this journey.
Some days I get it right. Other days I fall short, and I have to extend to myself the same grace I’m trying to offer them.
Acceptance of who they are has become a daily practice, and it started with my own shadow work, learning to meet myself with the same compassion before I could offer it to my family. And slowly, I am learning that the most powerful thing I can give my kids is not perfection, but presence, and the freedom to be fully themselves.
My greatest desire is to create a space where mothers and daughters can explore what it means to live authentically, where every strength is celebrated and every imperfection is held with compassion rather than judgment.
A space where comparison gives way to community, and where vulnerability is not a weakness but the very thing that binds us together and makes us stronger.
This longing, and the feeling of loneliness that often came with it, is what led me back to Ayni, the Andean principle of sacred reciprocity, and ultimately to the creation of Ayni Mama: a retreat rooted in acceptance and mutual care.
Through shared rituals, mindful practices, and intentional connection, mothers and daughters deepen their bond, nurture self-love, and carry that confidence home long after the retreat ends.
Because when a child feels deeply loved, they grow into adults who know their worth.